Two Articles to disprove

I read two articles tonight and I'm going to share some quotations from the articles. 


"The truth is, the "Marxist mold" and the politics behind the LGBT movement are irrelevant to me when I can't hold hands with my partner in public. To me, it is hardly political, it is personal. When children are bullied because of how they express their sexuality, it doesn't matter to them what disorders are on the list of the American Psychiatric Association. To these children, it is hardly political, it is personal. When lesbians are raped to cure them of their "disease," they don't care much about how homosexual activists gain public sympathy. To these lesbians, it is hardly political, it is personal."

"Op-Ed: Why LGBT people must get personal with the Catholic Church"
http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/3149

Living in the Philippines with so many rallies and protests done everyday, there are times when I feel like I  have grown tired of them. I know I will earn the ire of activists for that statement but I can not lie. Sometimes, I am tired of it. That tired attitude towards protests does not exclude the LGBT. But many times too, this feeling is forced out of me, sadly because I begin to feel indignant again.This happens when I hear comments and mockery from my own family and relatives and friends on gay people (like me). Those moments spark anger in me, anger against the people I love. But they are still the people I love and I can not stay angry at them for long. Eventually, I calm down. When anger have subsided, that's when sadness refills me. The end emotion is always sadness for knowing I can be rejected by the very people I love. How could people say that LGBT is rallying solely for political reasons? Aren't political advocacy sparked by personal experiences and feelings? The rallies for those who are starving, for those killed under dictatorship, for those abused and raped-- those rallies or fights or protests formed because the victims felt they were being taken advantaged off, maltreated or received injustice. The LGBT people are not aliens. We are also people who feels discriminated, mocked and hurt by others in society. We are also enraged about what happens to us. For that, we're fighting. And we're bringing it to political level so the many will hear what we need to stop and change. The fight isn't for political reasons. The fight is for every gay and lesbian individual to be recognized by every society and state as someone with dignity and someone who has a right to build a family.


***********************************************************************************

"Comment #9:

“I oppose certain moves in granting homosexuals sweeping “rights” which should be rightly reserved for heterosexuals like marriage or adoption.”

My response: There are no rights that are “rightly reserved for heterosexuals” as this is clear violation of Article 2 of the universal declaration of human rights.

“Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status”

"13 Comments that Put dboncan in My LGBT Spotlight"
http://filipinofreethinkers.org/2011/12/12/13-comments-that-put-dick-in-my-lgbt-spotlight/

Why can't I get married to the person I love? Why do you have to force me to marry a man that I do not love? What if I turn this whole thing around and I'm the one who keeps you from being with the person you love? Why can't I adopt a child? Do you have studies/researches that proves that children raised by a gay couple makes him/her incapable of participating in society?Isn't that these children only react negatively when they are teased, maltreated or abused by their classmates or teachers (who are individuals raised by heterosexual couples)?  Why the need to deprive  us the right to build our own family with the person we love? 

Tell me, 

what makes gays and lesbians so unacceptable or disgusting to you??? 

Just because we love a person in the same sex, 

isn't it?

Cut my gut!

I was flipping through the channels just now when I chanced upon Grey's Anatomy in Be TV (not so popular channel in Manila, only in the provinces). The episode was when Alex Karev and Izzie Stevens got married. Now, being lesbian, of course, I was excited to see Arizona and Callie's scenes. But to my disappointment, most of their intimate scenes were cut which makes most of their conversations and scenes senseless. In that episode, Arizona keeps on asking Callie about their date but Callie was too busy in her duty in the ER. I know they resolved it when Callie finally blurted to Arizona that she's broke. The cut scene there? The part the Arizona is supposed to say, "I like the girl with the sandwiches."

Then the episode goes, the next scene is Alex and Izzie's wedding. At the wedding, all OTHER couples were shown happy. The cut scene-- Callie kissing Arizona on the CHEEK. It's not even a kiss on the lips and still they murdered that scene! Damn it!

At the ending, there was only that Meredith and Derek scene by the fireplace, their shoulders showing (implying they're naked) beneath the covers. Then Meredith goes on top of Derek to kiss him. After that, the familiar Grey's Anatomy theme song played and credits began flashing.I know that there's supposed to be a scene with Callie and Arizona eating pizza, their naked bodies covered with blankets. But there was none! Yet they let the public watch bed scenes of Meredith and Derek!

If Philippine's MTRCB is really true to their advocacy of maintaining a "responsible" media well, guess what!? Delete that Meredith and Derek scene TOO! That one is a lot more lewd than a kiss on the cheek by Callie to Arizona! What MTRCB is implying by these rules is that BY SIMPLY BEING a homosexual, a person is already being unacceptable. That having sex, even outside marriage, is condoned as long as it's not with someone of the same sex, when strictly and supposedly, MTRCB should say that it's not okay to have sex unless it's in the context of marriage. And Meredith and Derek are not married so it must then be deleted too! And that harmless kiss by Callie and Arizona should be shown!

(I know I'm ranting but I know too that my argument makes sense.)

MTRCB is partly responsible for the existence and development of every ignorant, judgmental and discriminatory Filipino on gay people. The writers, producers and actresses/actors of the show Grey's Anatomy did their part to create awareness and understanding of gay relationships. And here comes MTRCB forcing these channels to cut scenes on gay relationships, withholding these storylines from the Filipino public. Every Filipino has the right to learn about healthy gay relationships, like the one shown by Grey's Anatomy. If there is one drama that shows that, then those scenes should not be censored. Censoring such storyline is the same as depriving the audience, the Filipino audience in this case, of what they are supposedly, ideally and wholly watching and getting from the show.

You Can't Pray Away the Gay

I visited a friend the other day and to my surprise, I saw a book on her desk that had the word homosexuality on the cover.


I have forgotten the exact title of the book (because books like that is what lesbians would want to forget because) it was a Christian book about helping gays "come out" of being gay. And by "come out", the book means changing and abandoning their gay sexuality. I browsed on some pages and there were was a word "ex-gay". There were testimonies on how prayers kept these people from committing into homosexual relationships. 


I know change in love interest could happen because it largely depends on whom one will love. A person could love someone from the same sex or someone from the opposite sex. However, completely abandoning and suppressing one's sexuality is a whole other issue. One cannot simply ignore the fact that one is attracted to someone of the same sex if one is really attracted. We cannot also forget the fact that love and relationships start with attraction, that is triggered by a person's sexuality. The only thing, I believe, that can change is one's feelings for another person and commitment in a relationship, whatever its kind-- hetero or homo.


Now, what runs in my head is this: I'm thankful that I haven't told my friend about my sexuality. If I had, she'd probably try the book's talk on me and it may start a rift between us. Of course, you may be thinking that this could be a test of her loyalty to me but right now, I think, is just not the time. I have to admit though that I wanted to borrow the book from her but I stopped myself (because I might burn it in the middle of reading it).


It's very disheartening how some people would think that prayers can be used to control one's sexuality. Such way and belief implies that being gay is evil or a state of illness. But I believe that our sexuality is a gift from God/Divine (or whatever you call the Higher Being). My sexuality, my being a lesbian is what God gave me. I'd like to accept it as it is. Accepting my sexuality allows me to love another person while being honest also with myself.

Callie to her conservative father: You can't pray away the gay. 
Scene from Grey's Anatomy

Now, to ex-gays and ex-lesbians, I respect your decision. However, I will plead one thing: if you do decide to be in a straight relationship, love your partners completely and be genuinely happy and contented in the relationship. Your partners will love and care for you deeply and to make such relationship work, you have to requite it.


Think about it friends, how can you pray away the gay if it's intrinsically in you? 
When you see the person you love, the one person who seem to walk with a halo on his/her head and inspires you to live another day,
When you see the person you love, the one person who makes you nervous and makes you want to be a better person,
When you see that person, the one person you love, do you stop and think about him/her as being of the same sex as you? Or do you stop yourself from smiling at that person or secretly in yourself just to plead God to make you stop feeling that way towards that person? 
That's up for you to answer but for me, when I see the person I love, I just smile to myself and send a thank you note to God. That's happiness. That's freedom to love. 

Real Happy Love Story: I Can't Think Straight

To all my fellow lesbians who are desperately hoping for a good relationship to work, well,

Listen not to our judgmental society

But to your hearts and minds

Because here is a happy lesbian love story

Between Shamim Sarif and Hanan Kattan:

Shamim Sarif is an award-winning novelist, scriptwriter, director and blogger. If you're beginning to feel hopeless about your lesbian lovelife, just visit her blog:

http://www.enlightenment-productions.com/shamim-sarif/blog/ 

Shamim comically shares some personal stories about her life with Hanan Kattan and some insights on raising their two boys. (Yes, they built a family together!)

Credit: http://www.enlightenment-productions.com/shamim-sarif/blog/

Inspired by their relationship and struggles, Shamim and Hanan turned their love story into a romantic-comedy movie, I Can't Think Straight and it has garnered many awards around the world.

My snapshot from the movie 

In I Can't Think Straight, Tala, an Arab-Christian and engaged to a wealthy man in her home-country, Lebanon, meets a London-raised Muslim and aspiring writer, Leyla. It would seem that they have more-than-enough reason to give up on their relationship or opt to end it in tragedy (like Romeo and Juliet). But this movie (and their real-life choices) is testament that odds could be defied simply by having strong characters and true love. 


Tala was played by Lisa Ray while Leyla was played by Sheetal Sheth. Both are gorgeous actresses who played their roles very well; the on-screen chemistry was very apparent. 

Let's now pray that the Enlightenment Productions will push-through with I Can't Think Straight TV series (yes, Sharif-Kattan also owns and runs a movie company).

"..."...Love like you've never been hurt..."

-Mark Twain

Through Bloomington movie

Let me tell you how overwhelmingly hard it is to be in a secret relationship (particularly in a lesbian relationship).

Meet Jackie Kirk

There is this movie titled Bloomington, a film by Fernanda Cardoso, starring Sarah Stouffer and Allison McAtee. It has won different awards and gained recognition, featured in many LGBT film festivals in US, Canada and Europe. The movie is a coming-of-age story of Jackie Kirk, a former child star who went into college where she meets Catherine Stark, a mysterious and attractive Psychology professor. Jackie, a curious student, easily fell for Catherine's charm. As the school year progressed, their relationship and feelings for each other evolved. But by a twist of fate, Jackie is contacted again by her former agent and asked her to audition for the role she used to be so famous for. Jackie readily took the opportunity, auditioned for the role with added insights, that she learned from Catherine. The hard-work paid off and Jackie was chosen for the role. While this unexpected chance excited Jackie, Catherine, on the other hand, was left worrying about its threat to their relationship. 

Below is the conversation between Catherine and Jackie as they struggled to come up with a solution to keep their relationship.

Catherine: Okay, Jackie, think about this in practical terms?! All right, California is all

the way on the other side of the country. I mean, how often do you plan on flying out here

to see me?

Jackie: Many times, whenever I have time off.

Catherine: All right.  Fine. Yeah, let's say we do that. What are we gonna do when we get there?

Jackie: I don't know. Same as we always do.

Catherine: And what, what if we see somebody you know? You're just gonna say that we're college

buddies? again? And how are you gonna justify flying here so often just to see a friend.

Jackie: Look, if that's what you're worried about, I'm with you. I'm totally with you, okay? I'm not saying that I would be able to make this public right away because it can't. But I can promise that I would never let this be the reason for us to break up. Even if there is speculation, article, pictures, whatever, I'm willing to deal with it. Because I think you're worth it.

Then Jackie gives a reassuring stare and Catherine responds with a sigh and hugs Jackie.

(Rolls eyes) 

You really think that scene ended there and in that way?

 I WISH!

But the heated conversation continued…

Catherine: I don't wanna make this public.

Jackie: I agree we have to wait for the right time.

Catherine: No, Jackie, there is no right or wrong time. You know, maybe, maybe, I just don't think you're worth it.

(Hurt, Jackie exits and leaves Catherine alone in the room. The camera focuses on Catherine's pained expression.)

You see, this is how difficult it is to keep a closeted relationship work. It is actually worse for others who fear society's harsh dictates so much so that they would let the chance on love to pass off. That's how bad society's prejudices affect these beings who only want to love. Now, to strengthen my point further, I've taken some movie snapshots from Bloomington to share visual image or sample of what lesbian love really is. 

To all those who have experienced to love--- in a straight or gay relationship-- this is how beautiful loving is...

Sharing lazy moments

A kiss on the hand can remind a person of faith and courage 

Someone listens and appreciates your ideas and thoughts without judgment.

The intimate and delicate moments shared

And to all those who have judged ANY KIND of relationship, is this how you see it? 

A black-and-white, 1-D, flat view. 

Please think not only once or twice but a hundred times before you cast any judgment on any kind of relationship.  Because those you judge, though we try to look strong on the outside, we too are shaken in the inside. 

Catherine, unsure how to explain her relation with Jackie.

Catherine tries to nurse a bullied Jackie. 

Do not avert your eyes from her. 
Look closely.
It's one that is silent but cries.

At the end of the day, 
we just want to be with the person we love. 

Just like you.

Dreams are not necessary if you're living it. 

Talking to the Moon

At night when the stars light up my room, 

I sit by myself

Talking to the moon

Trying to get to you

In hopes, you're on the other side,

Talking to me too

Or am I a fool, who sits alone,

Talking to the moon. 

Above I've typed in the chorus of Bruno Mars' Talking to the Moon. 

the other afternoon/night, I was doing my usual jogging routine, from a school campus, I ran to the port where there are more lamp posts. The sun has already set and the full moon rose. It kept the sky lighter than the usual. Its silvery luminosity was heartwarming that inevitably, caused me to also reminisce on the last time I stared up at a full moon. That happened months ago, August 2011. It was memorable for me because that was the time I spent a whole night crying over another case of unrequited love. I do not know why they describe unrequited love as bittersweet because there is nothing sweet about it, only bitter. Nothing hurts more than a rejection, aside from a crushed ego, because there is also that feeling of hopelessness in love. 

My family left for a timely vacation to another country that same month. I thought the fresh environment and new experiences would favor me. But a broken heart is not an object that can be left behind. It's also not the type of baggage that can be checked-in before a flight. Before I left, This Girl texted me to bid me a safe trip and an enjoyable vacation. I can't remember what else we texted to each other because the exchange of messages went on for about another half an hour. But I remember, as we entered the plane, I wanted to cry. Because I knew I would not be able to come back in time for her permanent move to the US. My parents' vacation was a brief two-week stay. I, on the other hand, decided to prolong and I stayed for another 3 months. While I was away, This girl, back home was packing her things, preparing to move. By the time I arrived home, This Girl had already left. 

Taken on that night. 

Now I'm in my hometown where I have plenty of memories of her. I am left with plenty of reminders while This Girl is far away and carefree about how I felt for her. Bitterness, I know, is spelled throughout those two previous sentences. Middle of March will mark my 6th month of moving on. I don't understand why this is taking this long. 

So I took a pause from jogging and switched into a sentimental mode. I spoke to the moon in silence and wondered how This Girl is doing. I thought about sending her a message to tell her again how hurt I am still feeling. But my pragmatic side won (thankfully!). I know a bitter message would only relay desperation. Anyway even if the world suddenly turns upside down and she replies "I love you too", it would still be useless. She's literally across the Pacific ocean, the largest ocean in the world. The long distance is a challenge itself. 

I may not have sent her the desperate message but the simple fact that I paused and looked up at the moon and wondered about her only meant that I miss her. 

I know you're somewhere out there

Somewhere far away

I want you back

I want you back. 

My First Story

There are a lot of sayings in my country when it's new year. One of those things says that whatever you do on the first day of the new year, meaning Jan. 1, [insert whatever year], you'll be doing it for the rest of the year. But I know it's not true because on those first few days, people adhere to their New Year's resolutions. As time passes, these resolutions become, well, good things to be listed as resolutions again for the following year . So it is not true that whatever is done in the first day will go on forever or at least for that year.

In this first entry though, I would like to play it safe; I will follow the tradition. I will do what I want to happen for the rest of the time I'll be posting entries in this blog; I want to be honest--to a raw degree. Because over the years, I learned the art of denial so well, I've forgotten how transparency to oneself works. 

My first heartbreak with a girl:

The first time I genuinely loved someone happened in my first year. We were friends at first, then I began to admire her because of her animated, funny and random personality. I hung out with her frequently, spent many weekends sleeping over her house, eating dinners with her and tagging along in parties. I just wanted to be near her as much as possible. I tolerated her criticisms on my poor fashion sense (if I even had one that time). But now I'm thankful for that influence. It has become very handy. Then whenever I came home, during Christmas or sem breaks, I told my parents stories, mostly about her. I don't know if they had a clue but they listened anyway.


The conclusion of the school year was approaching and it pressured me to make a decision--to be or not to be... I chose the first. When I confessed to her, she asked me to choose, either we remain friends and I forget about how I feel for her or she will distance from me so I could move on from her. It didn't take me long to think because I did treasure the friendship we had and secretly hoped by some miracle, she would eventually requite my feelings. I tried to ride on with it at first. But as it went by (and looking back now),  I unconsciously separated myself from her. I went back to hanging out with my other friends and enjoyed the last few weeks in their company despite the truth that I ached to be with Her. 

She noticed that we were drifting and she asked me twice what was happening. The first time she asked, I only shrugged and smiled. Because at that time, I was so confused with my feelings. I wanted to be close to her yet I felt it was useless. I guess frustration grew and I just decided to drop it. The second time she asked, it was with the help of a common friend.  Luckily, this common friend is a trust-worthy person. I told our common friend how I felt and I knew our friend tried to understand me. After hearing my side, our friend explained what Her, the girl I loved, was feeling. Our common friend explained that She felt like I was the one making the issue worse and that I shouldn't blame her for it. But I wasn't that immature. Again, reviewing things now, I must have failed to explain that I was badly hurt. I didn't want to fake that everything was fine because the pretense was only hurting myself more. Maybe, if I had conveyed this, She would have understood. But I didn't say it. She must have  felt abandoned as my friend. 

I spent the summer recovering, reviewing everything that happened. I realized I was so preoccupied with her that I forgot there were other things in life that I should do. The second year arrived and I learned that she and our common friend didn't make the quota so they both transferred to another school.

But despite the tangible distance, one instance drew me again to her. I was with my best friend that time, on our way back to our college dorm when I got a call from Her. She me asked to go to her place and meet our common friend (the same friend I mentioned). She said it was an emergency and that she badly needed my help. So I asked my best friend to just tag along, anyway, I had long wanted for them to meet. We went to Her place and there I met our common friend, just as I expected. But her father was there too and it was something I did not expect. 

That wasn't the first time I met Her father because I've also had lunch with their family (and clan) many times before. Her father apologized for her and clarified that they were having a family problem (which I won't delve into because it's a whole other story). To make the long story short, her father asked me to stay over so our common friend and I can talk. A gentleman that he is, he offered my best friend a ride back to our dorm.


Over sticks of cigarette, Common friend and I had a nice talk about what happened. We were on the upper part of their double-decked bed, our hands were hanging out of the window trying to keep the smell of smoke from sticking on the walls and bed sheets. She said she admired my loyalty but I countered it, and in the process, admitted my residual feelings. But what I did not add is that I felt used that night. In the months that we were apart, She never contacted me for simple things like a friendly chat. She knew I would do things for her so to execute her plan smoothly, she suddenly called and asked for my help. I felt my feelings were taken advantage of and I hated it. The following day, I went back to the dorm. Since then, I've completely avoided the first girl I loved.