Talking to the Moon

At night when the stars light up my room, 

I sit by myself

Talking to the moon

Trying to get to you

In hopes, you're on the other side,

Talking to me too

Or am I a fool, who sits alone,

Talking to the moon. 

Above I've typed in the chorus of Bruno Mars' Talking to the Moon. 

the other afternoon/night, I was doing my usual jogging routine, from a school campus, I ran to the port where there are more lamp posts. The sun has already set and the full moon rose. It kept the sky lighter than the usual. Its silvery luminosity was heartwarming that inevitably, caused me to also reminisce on the last time I stared up at a full moon. That happened months ago, August 2011. It was memorable for me because that was the time I spent a whole night crying over another case of unrequited love. I do not know why they describe unrequited love as bittersweet because there is nothing sweet about it, only bitter. Nothing hurts more than a rejection, aside from a crushed ego, because there is also that feeling of hopelessness in love. 

My family left for a timely vacation to another country that same month. I thought the fresh environment and new experiences would favor me. But a broken heart is not an object that can be left behind. It's also not the type of baggage that can be checked-in before a flight. Before I left, This Girl texted me to bid me a safe trip and an enjoyable vacation. I can't remember what else we texted to each other because the exchange of messages went on for about another half an hour. But I remember, as we entered the plane, I wanted to cry. Because I knew I would not be able to come back in time for her permanent move to the US. My parents' vacation was a brief two-week stay. I, on the other hand, decided to prolong and I stayed for another 3 months. While I was away, This girl, back home was packing her things, preparing to move. By the time I arrived home, This Girl had already left. 

Taken on that night. 

Now I'm in my hometown where I have plenty of memories of her. I am left with plenty of reminders while This Girl is far away and carefree about how I felt for her. Bitterness, I know, is spelled throughout those two previous sentences. Middle of March will mark my 6th month of moving on. I don't understand why this is taking this long. 

So I took a pause from jogging and switched into a sentimental mode. I spoke to the moon in silence and wondered how This Girl is doing. I thought about sending her a message to tell her again how hurt I am still feeling. But my pragmatic side won (thankfully!). I know a bitter message would only relay desperation. Anyway even if the world suddenly turns upside down and she replies "I love you too", it would still be useless. She's literally across the Pacific ocean, the largest ocean in the world. The long distance is a challenge itself. 

I may not have sent her the desperate message but the simple fact that I paused and looked up at the moon and wondered about her only meant that I miss her. 

I know you're somewhere out there

Somewhere far away

I want you back

I want you back.