You Can't Pray Away the Gay

I visited a friend the other day and to my surprise, I saw a book on her desk that had the word homosexuality on the cover.


I have forgotten the exact title of the book (because books like that is what lesbians would want to forget because) it was a Christian book about helping gays "come out" of being gay. And by "come out", the book means changing and abandoning their gay sexuality. I browsed on some pages and there were was a word "ex-gay". There were testimonies on how prayers kept these people from committing into homosexual relationships. 


I know change in love interest could happen because it largely depends on whom one will love. A person could love someone from the same sex or someone from the opposite sex. However, completely abandoning and suppressing one's sexuality is a whole other issue. One cannot simply ignore the fact that one is attracted to someone of the same sex if one is really attracted. We cannot also forget the fact that love and relationships start with attraction, that is triggered by a person's sexuality. The only thing, I believe, that can change is one's feelings for another person and commitment in a relationship, whatever its kind-- hetero or homo.


Now, what runs in my head is this: I'm thankful that I haven't told my friend about my sexuality. If I had, she'd probably try the book's talk on me and it may start a rift between us. Of course, you may be thinking that this could be a test of her loyalty to me but right now, I think, is just not the time. I have to admit though that I wanted to borrow the book from her but I stopped myself (because I might burn it in the middle of reading it).


It's very disheartening how some people would think that prayers can be used to control one's sexuality. Such way and belief implies that being gay is evil or a state of illness. But I believe that our sexuality is a gift from God/Divine (or whatever you call the Higher Being). My sexuality, my being a lesbian is what God gave me. I'd like to accept it as it is. Accepting my sexuality allows me to love another person while being honest also with myself.

Callie to her conservative father: You can't pray away the gay. 
Scene from Grey's Anatomy

Now, to ex-gays and ex-lesbians, I respect your decision. However, I will plead one thing: if you do decide to be in a straight relationship, love your partners completely and be genuinely happy and contented in the relationship. Your partners will love and care for you deeply and to make such relationship work, you have to requite it.


Think about it friends, how can you pray away the gay if it's intrinsically in you? 
When you see the person you love, the one person who seem to walk with a halo on his/her head and inspires you to live another day,
When you see the person you love, the one person who makes you nervous and makes you want to be a better person,
When you see that person, the one person you love, do you stop and think about him/her as being of the same sex as you? Or do you stop yourself from smiling at that person or secretly in yourself just to plead God to make you stop feeling that way towards that person? 
That's up for you to answer but for me, when I see the person I love, I just smile to myself and send a thank you note to God. That's happiness. That's freedom to love.