Real Happy Love Story: I Can't Think Straight

To all my fellow lesbians who are desperately hoping for a good relationship to work, well,

Listen not to our judgmental society

But to your hearts and minds

Because here is a happy lesbian love story

Between Shamim Sarif and Hanan Kattan:

Shamim Sarif is an award-winning novelist, scriptwriter, director and blogger. If you're beginning to feel hopeless about your lesbian lovelife, just visit her blog:

http://www.enlightenment-productions.com/shamim-sarif/blog/ 

Shamim comically shares some personal stories about her life with Hanan Kattan and some insights on raising their two boys. (Yes, they built a family together!)

Credit: http://www.enlightenment-productions.com/shamim-sarif/blog/

Inspired by their relationship and struggles, Shamim and Hanan turned their love story into a romantic-comedy movie, I Can't Think Straight and it has garnered many awards around the world.

My snapshot from the movie 

In I Can't Think Straight, Tala, an Arab-Christian and engaged to a wealthy man in her home-country, Lebanon, meets a London-raised Muslim and aspiring writer, Leyla. It would seem that they have more-than-enough reason to give up on their relationship or opt to end it in tragedy (like Romeo and Juliet). But this movie (and their real-life choices) is testament that odds could be defied simply by having strong characters and true love. 


Tala was played by Lisa Ray while Leyla was played by Sheetal Sheth. Both are gorgeous actresses who played their roles very well; the on-screen chemistry was very apparent. 

Let's now pray that the Enlightenment Productions will push-through with I Can't Think Straight TV series (yes, Sharif-Kattan also owns and runs a movie company).

"..."...Love like you've never been hurt..."

-Mark Twain

Through Bloomington movie

Let me tell you how overwhelmingly hard it is to be in a secret relationship (particularly in a lesbian relationship).

Meet Jackie Kirk

There is this movie titled Bloomington, a film by Fernanda Cardoso, starring Sarah Stouffer and Allison McAtee. It has won different awards and gained recognition, featured in many LGBT film festivals in US, Canada and Europe. The movie is a coming-of-age story of Jackie Kirk, a former child star who went into college where she meets Catherine Stark, a mysterious and attractive Psychology professor. Jackie, a curious student, easily fell for Catherine's charm. As the school year progressed, their relationship and feelings for each other evolved. But by a twist of fate, Jackie is contacted again by her former agent and asked her to audition for the role she used to be so famous for. Jackie readily took the opportunity, auditioned for the role with added insights, that she learned from Catherine. The hard-work paid off and Jackie was chosen for the role. While this unexpected chance excited Jackie, Catherine, on the other hand, was left worrying about its threat to their relationship. 

Below is the conversation between Catherine and Jackie as they struggled to come up with a solution to keep their relationship.

Catherine: Okay, Jackie, think about this in practical terms?! All right, California is all

the way on the other side of the country. I mean, how often do you plan on flying out here

to see me?

Jackie: Many times, whenever I have time off.

Catherine: All right.  Fine. Yeah, let's say we do that. What are we gonna do when we get there?

Jackie: I don't know. Same as we always do.

Catherine: And what, what if we see somebody you know? You're just gonna say that we're college

buddies? again? And how are you gonna justify flying here so often just to see a friend.

Jackie: Look, if that's what you're worried about, I'm with you. I'm totally with you, okay? I'm not saying that I would be able to make this public right away because it can't. But I can promise that I would never let this be the reason for us to break up. Even if there is speculation, article, pictures, whatever, I'm willing to deal with it. Because I think you're worth it.

Then Jackie gives a reassuring stare and Catherine responds with a sigh and hugs Jackie.

(Rolls eyes) 

You really think that scene ended there and in that way?

 I WISH!

But the heated conversation continued…

Catherine: I don't wanna make this public.

Jackie: I agree we have to wait for the right time.

Catherine: No, Jackie, there is no right or wrong time. You know, maybe, maybe, I just don't think you're worth it.

(Hurt, Jackie exits and leaves Catherine alone in the room. The camera focuses on Catherine's pained expression.)

You see, this is how difficult it is to keep a closeted relationship work. It is actually worse for others who fear society's harsh dictates so much so that they would let the chance on love to pass off. That's how bad society's prejudices affect these beings who only want to love. Now, to strengthen my point further, I've taken some movie snapshots from Bloomington to share visual image or sample of what lesbian love really is. 

To all those who have experienced to love--- in a straight or gay relationship-- this is how beautiful loving is...

Sharing lazy moments

A kiss on the hand can remind a person of faith and courage 

Someone listens and appreciates your ideas and thoughts without judgment.

The intimate and delicate moments shared

And to all those who have judged ANY KIND of relationship, is this how you see it? 

A black-and-white, 1-D, flat view. 

Please think not only once or twice but a hundred times before you cast any judgment on any kind of relationship.  Because those you judge, though we try to look strong on the outside, we too are shaken in the inside. 

Catherine, unsure how to explain her relation with Jackie.

Catherine tries to nurse a bullied Jackie. 

Do not avert your eyes from her. 
Look closely.
It's one that is silent but cries.

At the end of the day, 
we just want to be with the person we love. 

Just like you.

Dreams are not necessary if you're living it. 

Talking to the Moon

At night when the stars light up my room, 

I sit by myself

Talking to the moon

Trying to get to you

In hopes, you're on the other side,

Talking to me too

Or am I a fool, who sits alone,

Talking to the moon. 

Above I've typed in the chorus of Bruno Mars' Talking to the Moon. 

the other afternoon/night, I was doing my usual jogging routine, from a school campus, I ran to the port where there are more lamp posts. The sun has already set and the full moon rose. It kept the sky lighter than the usual. Its silvery luminosity was heartwarming that inevitably, caused me to also reminisce on the last time I stared up at a full moon. That happened months ago, August 2011. It was memorable for me because that was the time I spent a whole night crying over another case of unrequited love. I do not know why they describe unrequited love as bittersweet because there is nothing sweet about it, only bitter. Nothing hurts more than a rejection, aside from a crushed ego, because there is also that feeling of hopelessness in love. 

My family left for a timely vacation to another country that same month. I thought the fresh environment and new experiences would favor me. But a broken heart is not an object that can be left behind. It's also not the type of baggage that can be checked-in before a flight. Before I left, This Girl texted me to bid me a safe trip and an enjoyable vacation. I can't remember what else we texted to each other because the exchange of messages went on for about another half an hour. But I remember, as we entered the plane, I wanted to cry. Because I knew I would not be able to come back in time for her permanent move to the US. My parents' vacation was a brief two-week stay. I, on the other hand, decided to prolong and I stayed for another 3 months. While I was away, This girl, back home was packing her things, preparing to move. By the time I arrived home, This Girl had already left. 

Taken on that night. 

Now I'm in my hometown where I have plenty of memories of her. I am left with plenty of reminders while This Girl is far away and carefree about how I felt for her. Bitterness, I know, is spelled throughout those two previous sentences. Middle of March will mark my 6th month of moving on. I don't understand why this is taking this long. 

So I took a pause from jogging and switched into a sentimental mode. I spoke to the moon in silence and wondered how This Girl is doing. I thought about sending her a message to tell her again how hurt I am still feeling. But my pragmatic side won (thankfully!). I know a bitter message would only relay desperation. Anyway even if the world suddenly turns upside down and she replies "I love you too", it would still be useless. She's literally across the Pacific ocean, the largest ocean in the world. The long distance is a challenge itself. 

I may not have sent her the desperate message but the simple fact that I paused and looked up at the moon and wondered about her only meant that I miss her. 

I know you're somewhere out there

Somewhere far away

I want you back

I want you back. 

My First Story

There are a lot of sayings in my country when it's new year. One of those things says that whatever you do on the first day of the new year, meaning Jan. 1, [insert whatever year], you'll be doing it for the rest of the year. But I know it's not true because on those first few days, people adhere to their New Year's resolutions. As time passes, these resolutions become, well, good things to be listed as resolutions again for the following year . So it is not true that whatever is done in the first day will go on forever or at least for that year.

In this first entry though, I would like to play it safe; I will follow the tradition. I will do what I want to happen for the rest of the time I'll be posting entries in this blog; I want to be honest--to a raw degree. Because over the years, I learned the art of denial so well, I've forgotten how transparency to oneself works. 

My first heartbreak with a girl:

The first time I genuinely loved someone happened in my first year. We were friends at first, then I began to admire her because of her animated, funny and random personality. I hung out with her frequently, spent many weekends sleeping over her house, eating dinners with her and tagging along in parties. I just wanted to be near her as much as possible. I tolerated her criticisms on my poor fashion sense (if I even had one that time). But now I'm thankful for that influence. It has become very handy. Then whenever I came home, during Christmas or sem breaks, I told my parents stories, mostly about her. I don't know if they had a clue but they listened anyway.


The conclusion of the school year was approaching and it pressured me to make a decision--to be or not to be... I chose the first. When I confessed to her, she asked me to choose, either we remain friends and I forget about how I feel for her or she will distance from me so I could move on from her. It didn't take me long to think because I did treasure the friendship we had and secretly hoped by some miracle, she would eventually requite my feelings. I tried to ride on with it at first. But as it went by (and looking back now),  I unconsciously separated myself from her. I went back to hanging out with my other friends and enjoyed the last few weeks in their company despite the truth that I ached to be with Her. 

She noticed that we were drifting and she asked me twice what was happening. The first time she asked, I only shrugged and smiled. Because at that time, I was so confused with my feelings. I wanted to be close to her yet I felt it was useless. I guess frustration grew and I just decided to drop it. The second time she asked, it was with the help of a common friend.  Luckily, this common friend is a trust-worthy person. I told our common friend how I felt and I knew our friend tried to understand me. After hearing my side, our friend explained what Her, the girl I loved, was feeling. Our common friend explained that She felt like I was the one making the issue worse and that I shouldn't blame her for it. But I wasn't that immature. Again, reviewing things now, I must have failed to explain that I was badly hurt. I didn't want to fake that everything was fine because the pretense was only hurting myself more. Maybe, if I had conveyed this, She would have understood. But I didn't say it. She must have  felt abandoned as my friend. 

I spent the summer recovering, reviewing everything that happened. I realized I was so preoccupied with her that I forgot there were other things in life that I should do. The second year arrived and I learned that she and our common friend didn't make the quota so they both transferred to another school.

But despite the tangible distance, one instance drew me again to her. I was with my best friend that time, on our way back to our college dorm when I got a call from Her. She me asked to go to her place and meet our common friend (the same friend I mentioned). She said it was an emergency and that she badly needed my help. So I asked my best friend to just tag along, anyway, I had long wanted for them to meet. We went to Her place and there I met our common friend, just as I expected. But her father was there too and it was something I did not expect. 

That wasn't the first time I met Her father because I've also had lunch with their family (and clan) many times before. Her father apologized for her and clarified that they were having a family problem (which I won't delve into because it's a whole other story). To make the long story short, her father asked me to stay over so our common friend and I can talk. A gentleman that he is, he offered my best friend a ride back to our dorm.


Over sticks of cigarette, Common friend and I had a nice talk about what happened. We were on the upper part of their double-decked bed, our hands were hanging out of the window trying to keep the smell of smoke from sticking on the walls and bed sheets. She said she admired my loyalty but I countered it, and in the process, admitted my residual feelings. But what I did not add is that I felt used that night. In the months that we were apart, She never contacted me for simple things like a friendly chat. She knew I would do things for her so to execute her plan smoothly, she suddenly called and asked for my help. I felt my feelings were taken advantage of and I hated it. The following day, I went back to the dorm. Since then, I've completely avoided the first girl I loved.